Why You Feel Like You're Failing at Everything as a Mom (And How to Stop) (E60)

The Mom Mental Load Burden

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Do you ever go to bed at night feeling like you were behind all day? Like no matter how much you did, there was still a pile of undone things staring at you. And maybe it's not just the chores. Maybe you feel like you're falling short as a mom or a partner or a friend, or even just a person. If you've been carrying that heavy, I'm failing feeling.

This episode is for you. We're going to talk about why this happens, how to take that pressure off your shoulders, and the mindset shifts that will help you feel like you are enough again, even if your sink is currently full of sippy cups.

I had a week recently where it felt like everything was falling apart in slow motion. The laundry was doing that thing where it wasn't just in the hamper. It was kind of erupting out of it, like a volcano [00:01:00] of socks and leggings from three years ago. We had appointments every single day that week, and the kids were bickering over who got the good spoon, and I kept forgetting things that felt important.

One day it was forgetting to thaw the chicken for dinner. Sorry about that, honey. Another day I had promised we'd make muffins together and then realized that the milk had gone bad. We ended up having this dramatic muffin mix funeral at the trash can.

Super dramatic. And by Friday I was sitting at the kitchen table staring at my to-do list and thinking. I am failing at literally everything right now. I wasn't giving enough to my kids. The house was a mess. I hadn't showered in at least two days, and I was definitely not keeping up with work the way I wanted to.

And here's the thing, most of us aren't actually failing. We're just measuring ourselves against impossible expectations, and until we see that for what it is, we stay stuck in this exhausting self-critical [00:02:00] loop.

So why do you feel like you're failing at everything?

I First, let's just name the big culprit. The mental load. As moms, we are managing hundreds of invisible tasks every single day. You're remembering what's in the fridge, what needs to go into the next load of laundry, that it's library day for tomorrow, or that one kid's shoes are about a week away from completely falling apart.

When you're juggling that mini balls, of course a few of them are going to drop. That's not failure. It's physics. And if you wanna know more about the mental load, make sure you check out episode 34 with Dr. Morgan Cutlip. It is life changing.

Then we've got comparison culture. Social media is basically one big highlight reel. We see the clean kitchens, the smiling kids, the perfect crafts. But what we don't see is the meltdown that happened five minutes before that picture, or the goldfish crackers ground into the rug just outside of frame, and then you add in the [00:03:00] unrealistic standards, the idea that a good mom can do it all, all the time without help, without rest and without complaining.

And it's no wonder we feel like we're falling short. And then don't forget your inner critic. That voice in your head, that acts like a mean girl from middle school.

She will magnify every misstep you take and completely ignore the fact that you had already packed lunches and broke up several sibling fights, and you made it through the day without screaming into your pillow more than a few times.

It is just not a good situation, so we need to stop and recognize what's actually important. Not everything on your plate is of equal importance. There's a big difference between This is essential and this would be nice to do if you're feeling like you're behind on everything. Stop and ask yourself, if I only get one thing done today.

Okay. What would make the biggest impact For my family and my peace of [00:04:00] mind? For me, sometimes that means letting the laundry wait another day because I know that my mental health needs a walk outside more than my closet needs neatly folded jeans. Sometimes it's saying yes to reading books with my kids instead of loading the dishwasher right away and no, the dishwasher isn't going anywhere. It will still be there in 30 minutes.

Now let's work on redefining success for this season.

Before kids, productive for me meant a spotless house, a full workday, and a decently nutritious dinner. Now productive might mean everyone at least ate something. Everyone's alive and I got to drink my coffee at some point during the day. Okay. Your definition of success doesn't have to be permanent.

It just has to match your current reality. This isn't lowering your standards, it's setting realistic ones for the season that you're. We need to stop playing the all or nothing game. We do this whole thing where we think, if I can't do it perfectly, [00:05:00] I shouldn't do it at all.

But perfection is a moving target, and it's usually in someone else's backyard. Instead, what we need to do is aim for some instead of none. A 10 minute tidy up is still progress. Sending a two line text to a friend is still connection. Serving cereal for dinner is still feeding your family and if you throw some fruit on the side, it's basically gourmet and then we need to quiet that.

I'm failing voice. When your brain says you're failing at everything, check the evidence. Is that really true, or are you focusing on the one thing you forgot and ignoring the 20 that you did right? One thing that helps me is keeping a done list, not a to-do list, A done list. Every time I do something, when I'm feeling like I'm not doing anything right, I jot it. Yeah, by the end of the day, I can see that I actually did do a lot, even if none of it was Instagram worthy, [00:06:00] you still did it, and that's important. Your brain needs the evidence of the contrary or else it's gonna believe what it's telling itself. And don't forget this rule. If you wouldn't say it to a friend, you are not allowed to say it to yourself.

So here are the practical strategies to get out of the, I'm failing at everything spiral. Keep a done list, like I just mentioned. Write down your wins, even the small ones.

Set time boundaries. Pick a cutoff time where you stop doing tasks and you actually rest. No guilt allowed.

Delegate, let other people help you. It doesn't make you a weak, it actually makes you a leader to be able to assign tasks to other people. That's leadership that's taking charge. Say no, protect your bandwidth by saying no to commitments that drain you more than they fill you.

It's such an important piece to this puzzle.

If this episode has helped you breathe a little easier, share it with a friend who needs the same reminder [00:07:00] Every time you share, follow or leave a review. It helps more moms find this space and feel less alone in this messy but beautiful reality of motherhood.

If you've been thinking about starting a side hustle, but that little voice keeps whispering, what if I fail? Or you get overwhelmed trying to figure out where to even start. This is exactly why I created the Naptime Business Coach GPT. It's a custom AI tool that I personally trained to help you find an idea that you're actually excited about.

Make sure that it fits your real life right now and break down big projects into tiny doable steps that you can tackle in as little as 15 minutes a day. It's like having me in your pocket, helping you move forward without the overwhelm. And if you want an actual human to walk alongside you, you can apply for my one-on-one business coaching.

That's where we create your plan together, adjust it for your season of life, and keep you moving toward your goals without burning out. You can try Naptime Business Coach GPT or apply for one-on-one coaching at momidentityproject.com. [00:08:00]