Mindfulness Won’t Fix the Emptiness You Feel as a Mom (E57)

Mindfulness Won’t Fix the Emptiness You Feel as a Mom

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[00:00:00] You can have all the deep breaths, the yoga poses and the stay calm mantras in the world. But if you don't have something in your life that's just for you, something that lights you up, gives you a sense of purpose and reminds you of who you are, it's going to feel like you're floating. In this episode, we're talking about the power of finding a hobby or side hustle that brings you joy and anchors you in your identity outside of mom.

A couple of years ago, my evenings looked the same every single night. The kids would finally be asleep. The house would be somewhat quiet, and I'd be standing in the kitchen eating a snack over the sink, like some kind of raccoon who forgot she was a human being. And then I'd sit down, scroll Instagram for a while, maybe half watch a show.

But honestly, I wasn't really [00:01:00] enjoying any of it. It wasn't rest. It wasn't joy. It was nothing like my whole existence had been reduced to keeping everyone else fed and dressed and alive. But I couldn't remember the last time I did something that made me feel alive. I wasn't unhappy exactly, but I felt flat.

I had my coping tools. I could take deep breaths when my toddler lost it at the library. I could calm myself after a stressful day. But in between those moments, I felt like I was just existing, like I was drifting with no anchor, no real me to come back to.

Then one afternoon during nap time, I decided to do something just for me. I designed a printable coloring book for my toddler, so I guess it wasn't 100% just for me, but I put it online to sell and it sold. That little $3 sale lit me up in a way that I did not expect. It wasn't about the money. It was about [00:02:00] remembering that I could still make something, that I had ideas, that I was still a person with something to offer.

That's when I realized that regulation keeps you steady, but without something that fills you with purpose. You're just floating from one survival moment to the next. We need an anchor. And for a lot of moms, that anchor comes in the form of a hobby or a side hustle. Me, that printable turned into a teacher's pay teacher shop, and that shop connected me to other moms, and eventually it led to this podcast. But here's the thing. Your thing doesn't have to be a business. It could be painting or gardening or baking or learning photography or learning a language, or you know, finally starting that book club that you've been looking for for the past three years.

It's not about hustle for hustle's sake, it's about having something that's yours, your anchor, in the middle of the [00:03:00] chaos. What matters is that it's yours.

So here's why your regulation strategies and tools aren't enough. Don't get me wrong, the tools are important. Breathing exercises, mindfulness, meditation, all of it is amazing. But the truth is they help you to survive the moment. Not necessarily build a life that excites you. It's kind of like having a life raft in the middle of the ocean.

Sure, you're safe from drowning for now, but without a paddle, you're not going anywhere. You're just floating. That's what my life felt like at the time I had my life raft.

My coping skills, but I didn't have any direction, no sense of moving towards something. I could calm myself after a tantrum, but then I'd just go right back to folding laundry and reheating that same cup of coffee for the third time without something you're building or creating.

Those moments of [00:04:00] calm don't have anywhere to land. You need a reason to look forward to your own day, not just the kids' milestones. You can keep putting out fires, but what's keeping you warm? That's the role of joy, creativity, and purpose.

So here's the power of having that personal anchor. When I say anchor, I mean something you can come back to over and over again that is completely yours. It can be a hobby, a passion project, or a side hustle. And here's what it does, it fills your cup instead of just draining it. It reminds you that you're more than snack refills and carpool schedules.

It gives you something to talk about that doesn't involve potty training or picky eating.

And what might be the most important part is it shows your kids what it looks like to be a whole person. They see you light up when you talk about it. They see you follow your curiosity. They see that life [00:05:00] isn't just about taking care of other people. It's also about nurturing yourself.

One of my favorite moments is when my kids ask me about my podcast, they don't just see me as the person who puts the peanut butter on the bread, although that is primarily what they see me as. They also see me as someone who has ideas and goals and a life outside of them, and I want them to know that that's normal.

So let's talk about hobbies versus side hustles. Hobbies are just pure joy. There's no pressure. They're the things that you do because they make you happy.

Or at least they should. And if they don't, then you're doing it wrong, and you should probably quit that and do something different, but not because you're trying to make money from them. It could be knitting or book clubs, photography, hiking, baking, painting puzzles, or learning the guitar. They're usually low stakes and they're usually easy to start, at least at first, and can fit into your life without much stress.

When I started my online book club, it reminded me how much I'd missed [00:06:00] adult conversation, not the conversations where you're half listening while making sure your toddler isn't coloring on the wall, but having real conversations.

That was the benefit of having a hobby for me.

And then there's side hustles. These combine purpose with a potential income, and a lot of them can start as hobbies, like selling your crafts that you make, or creating printables and actually selling them online, offering photography services, freelance writing, coaching. The benefits include confidence, independence, and often a sense of contribution.

And yes, there is something powerful about seeing money come in from something that you created. That little Etsy sale that I made, it wasn't life changing money. It was three bucks, but it was life changing for my confidence. If you're listening to this and thinking, okay, I want that spark, but I have no idea where to start, this is exactly why I created the Naptime business Coach, GPT.

It is a custom AI tool that I personally trained, [00:07:00] so it's kind of like having me in your pocket 24 7. You can use it to brainstorm a business idea that actually excites you. Make sure it fits into your real life right now, and create a plan you can start working on and as little as 15 minutes a day.

It's perfect for those moments when the kids are napping or watching a show or playing independently, and you want to make progress instead of just scrolling. Whether you're starting from scratch or you've had an idea swirling around in your head for months, the nap time business coach, GPT, walks you through it step by step without the overwhelm.

And if you're someone who wants a real person to talk things out with, you can apply for my one-on-one business coaching. That's where I work side by side to refine your idea, map out your strategy, and keep you moving forward. You can try Naptime Business coach GPT or apply for one-on-one coaching today@mamaidentityproject.com.

So how do you find your thing? Here's where you start. Look back. Think about the things that lit you up before kids. Doesn't necessarily mean that they're going to be the same anymore, but it's a place to start. It doesn't have to be the [00:08:00] exact same activity. Adapt it for your current season. For example, if you loved going to pottery classes before, maybe now you start with air dry clay at your kitchen table after bedtime.

Think about the skills that you've built in other parts of your life, like jobs, volunteer work, or honestly even motherhood. There are so many skills that we are learning right now that you could apply to something new.

Follow your curiosity. Pay attention to what catches your interest in small ways. What kinds of videos stop your scroll? What podcasts do you listen to, even when the kids aren't in the car? If you keep Googling how to make sourdough or the best budget camera for beginners, that's a clue that this might be an avenue for you to go down.

Follow that little spark. You don't have to have a business plan or a perfect strategy yet. And then the next one always my favorite. Start small. We get stuck when we think we have to go all in from day one. Give yourself permission to just dip your toe in.

One way you [00:09:00] might do this is by committing 15 minutes of watercolor painting twice a week or one walk alone each weekend. Or you could use nap time, a short stretch after bedtime, or maybe those 10 minutes when the kids are happily playing together before the inevitable mom. Use those moments to get started.

Test and tweak. You are allowed to try something and then decide it's not for you. Think of it like trying on jeans. Sometimes you've got to try a few pairs before you find the right fit. If something feels like a chore after a little while. Swap it out for something else, move on

and then stay open. A hobby could evolve into a side hustle later, or it might stay a hobby forever. Both are equally valid. You're not failing if you don't monetize your passion. The point is to have something that's yours, not to turn everything into productivity.

So let's bust some of these. But what ifs, or I can't do this because. We've been told that a good [00:10:00] mom sacrifices everything for her kids, but the truth we know is when you sacrifice yourself, everyone loses. Your kids benefit from seeing you happy, fulfilled, and excited about something in your own life.

Your joy teaches them joy. Your courage teaches them courage, your hobbies and passions. Teach them that it's okay to have interests outside of work and family.

Okay, but guilt isn't the only thing that can get in the way. Let's talk about a few more of those roadblocks and how to navigate them. A big one is time. The number one thing I hear is I don't have time. You don't have to find a magical two hour block every week. Start by pairing your thing with an existing routine.

Listen to a podcast while you clean. Brainstorm, side hustle ideas while you walk. The dog knit while you watch a show with your partner. And another way to get more time. Swap childcare with a friend. Take [00:11:00] turns giving each other an hour of kid free time. That can go a long way, and it's free.

Next roadblock, perfectionism. You don't have to be amazing at it for it to count. This is about enjoyment and not achievement. If you love gardening, but half of your plants don't make it. Who cares? If it makes you happy to try, it's worth it. This next one is a big thief comparison. This is your thing. Not Instagram's.

The point isn't to be the best in the world, it's to feel like yourself again. Don't let someone else's polished highlight reel make you think you're doing it wrong. This one's a killer. Self doubt. You might think, who am I to start a podcast? I know I did and I still do.

Or why would anyone care about my Etsy shop? Remember, every expert was a beginner once and every successful business or [00:12:00] hobby started with a first try. And then finally, the thing that we're afraid of over commitment. It's easy to get excited and sign up for everything at once. Protect your energy.

Pick one thing to start with and give yourself space to grow into it.

When you recognize those roadblocks for what they are, they lose some of their power. And you can take one step, just one towards something that feels like you. Wrap your head around this truth My worth. Is not based solely on how I care for others. I am allowed to have things that are mine. When you find a hobby or a side hustle that lights you up, you're not stepping away from your kids, you're stepping into a fuller version of yourself, and that benefits everyone.

If this episode gave you a little nudge to start exploring what lights you up, share it with a friend. She might need that nudge too. Every time you share, follow or leave a review, it helps other moms find this space.

And [00:13:00] remember, they're more than just mom. And if you're on Apple Podcasts, scroll down to leave a review. It really does make a difference.

In the next episode, I'm talking to a mom whose face you might recognize, and if your kids love shows that make them jump up, shout with excitement, and learn something new, you might already be one of her biggest fans. We are going to dive into her motherhood journey, the surprises she's faced, and the lessons she's learned along the way.

Trust me, you do not want to miss this conversation.