Postpartum Anxiety, Burnout, and Learning to Slow Down with Amber Gilormo (E79)

Postpartum Anxiety, Burnout, and Learning to Slow Down

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[00:00:00] What happens when you go from career driven, independent, and totally not planning on motherhood to becoming a mom of five? Today we're talking about the identity free fall that can come with becoming a mom, especially when it wasn't part of the original plan. Amber Gamo joins me to share her story of unexpected motherhood, postpartum anxiety, walking away from a dream job and the wake up call that forced her to finally start putting herself first.

If you've ever wondered how to reconnect with a person you were before kids, or how to even start figuring out who you are now, you'll wanna stick around. My name is Chris Ebol. I am a stay at home mom to two little boys, and this is Mom's Guide to Finding Herself. You know, so many of us spent years.

Years building a life, whether it was our career, our independence, or just the rhythm of doing what we wanted, when we wanted, and then motherhood happened and it changed everything. Not just our [00:01:00] schedules, but who we are at our core. Today's guest, Amber Gomo, knows that shift better than most. She's an attorney, the founder of the boutique lawyer, and a mom of five.

Today. She helps online business owners protect their peace and profits with legal solutions that actually make sense. But behind the scenes, she's also someone who never thought she'd have kids, and now here she is raising five of them, running a business and navigating the messy middle of motherhood and identity.

We get into how she went from career driven and child free by choice to completely rerouting her life. What postpartum anxiety looked like for her, and the moment her body forced her to finally slow down and start taking care of herself again. It's a reminder that no matter how far you feel from the person you used to be, you can still find your way back, maybe even to someone stronger.

Let's get into it. [00:02:00] Amber, thank you so much for being here with me today. I'm so excited for this. I love to chat about all things. Motherhood. So I feel like this is gonna be a fun one. Perfect. And we're gonna talk today about probably something you know, best of all, which is your own motherhood journey and where you've come from.

So please tell us who were you before you became a mom? Um, so, well thanks for that question because like I feel so often that moms are just. Moms, like we just have this new persona. So whenever you, somebody is like, you know, who are you? What do you do? I dunno, that's a question like I personally struggle with.

But before kids, it was easy to answer that. Right? Right. So I was like, I was like a career woman, you know, I had hobbies, so I was working at a. Nationally recognized they were huge in the [00:03:00] Southeast, which I'm spent a lot of my life in Georgia, but a big personal injury law firm. I had my dream job, you know, I was like a workaholic, which I won't say I'm not one now, but Sure.

I was doing that and then I, you know, got to do all the fun things like. You know, shopping, movies, nails, like all the fun stuff. But you know, that was kind of like my girl boss journey prior to being a mom. I was really living that life and I loved it. I mean, like, you know, you really start to identify with something, it becomes you, you know?

Yeah. Um, and I just, I loved going to get like cocktails with my friends and like all that fun stuff, but now I don't even drink, so there's that. Right. So yeah, it was just kind of like a, one of those. Very single-minded. Yeah. Like kind of hustle people. Like, you know, I was constantly working, constantly trying to, you know, kind of about the grind.

Um, and I just always found time to do things that I had interest in, you know, all the girly stuff. So I was definitely a girly [00:04:00] girl and now I'm like covered in vomit from the waist down. Relatable. I mean, not for me anymore, but I remember when I felt like I smelled constantly just like vomit. Like there was no other way to put it.

Now did you always know you wanted to be a mom? Absolutely not. So, um, when I was in college, I was one of those girls who was like, I'm not having kids. Not having kids. Yeah. When I grew up, my mom, she, I was a single child up until like. How old was I? 17 and then she had another. And anyways, we were very far apart, but as an older kid, like I am mom number two, right?

Yeah. So I'm like taking care of him all the time, helping just do things that you know, you don't normally do when you're still a kid. Like change diapers, watch him, and like. Take 'em to the mall. And I, you know, I was just, you know, like a kind of a angsty teenager and I didn't [00:05:00] wanna be mom number two, but that was my job.

And so as I became like my twenties and I just absolutely was like, and I'm never having kids, like absolutely not. And then, you know, I found my husband and one just, it really, honestly, it just came out of nowhere. Like this earth. Yeah. Kids. It's so weird how that happens, but it really did. Yeah. For me at least, uh, I just, like one day I was like, you know what?

I think I wanna have kids. And that's kind of weird, but that's what happened. You and I have very similar stories, Amber, I feel like where I also was like, I don't want children. Like that was the thing. And then, yeah, I met my husband and it just felt right. Like we both agreed that this was something we would wanna try.

Now you took a pretty drastic shift from the I'm not having children because now you're on number five. Yeah. It just felt good, huh? Yeah. The funniest thing happened the other day. It was like, was this yesterday? [00:06:00] Oh yeah. We, we took our kids to Mexican food because we got stuck in horrible traffic and I burnt dinner.

I had it in the crockpot and we like got stuck on a wreck and In a wreck. Yeah. But not, our vehicle wasn't in a wreck. My goodness. We were stuck on the highway in traffic due to a wreck, and I was like, oh, that's definitely burnt in the crock pot. It was like Chuck roast overcooked becomes like so dry inedible.

Anyway, so we stopped and we got Mexican food and as we were walking into the restaurant, we were like unloading all the kids. And this older guy was like. Well, y'all have half a football team. I was like, yeah, we really do. So we have five kids and one, you know, they're eight all the way to four months, so they're still kind of young.

We started later in life. It's a whole separate conversation or maybe part of this conversation. I don't know, but yeah. Yeah, we have, we have quite a few. That's, I definitely, I wanna hear when you decided to start having kids, especially through your career journey now, when in your path, how long were you [00:07:00] working at this law firm before you said, let's get started.

Um, so let's see. I had been at that law firm. I mean, so. I was a lawyer and then I, my husband, we dated for like five years, I think. Yeah. And then I finally landed this job that I absolutely loved because lo lawyering is just like any other job. Um, if you're working for somebody else, like at a firm. Some firms are great, some are not.

And this firm was great, you know, I really loved it. I love the people and just had wonderful opportunities, great revenue opportunities, all of those things. So, um, we had been married like. I don't even remember. Well. You know, we let me, sorry, I was trying to, my memory is like, mom brain a hundred percent right now.

Get it, like get sleep, you know it. So I'm get, I'm like, man, what year was that? No, I don't really remember all the years and the details, but I finally landed this job and like things just felt very secure and stable. And [00:08:00] honestly in retrospect, I. That shift is probably what like allowed me to want to be a mom, um, was like the feeling of safety in my life.

You know, everything had always felt like totally outta whack before then, but yeah. And so anyways, I had been in that firm a couple of years and we finally got married and we started, we were like, we wanna have kids. Like, 'cause I had already started to want to have kids and I decided I wanted to plan this giant wedding.

And so it just took like a year to plan. And then, you know, we started trying. I actually had like a couple of miscarriages, which I don't know, we should talk about that or not, sorry. But I had a couple of miscarriages and then I got pregnant with my son, my oldest, and I remember just. It was just, it's such a great feeling like once you get past the first, like, you know, three months and you kind of feel safe, especially after like miscarriages, um, you finally feel like, okay, this is something that's gonna be amazing for me, and you're still a little nervous, you know?

Yeah. As [00:09:00] of what you've been through. But yeah, that was just the, probably the safety, I think is the number one thing that made me like, want to have a family at that point. Amazing. I mean, yeah. I'm so glad you were able to, in your pregnancy journey, start to get excited. I know that after my miscarriages was my first, I, I never got to like feeling real.

It always was protected. It always felt like something that I couldn't quite acknowledge, and so I'm glad that you were able to have that like. This is really happening. I'm so excited moment because you, that's, that's just incredible. Now let's talk about what happened when that baby actually came into the world, because we know that you can feel all kinds of safe and secure and prepared and then life flips over when that human's here.

Yeah, it totally does, doesn't it? And I will say like. I was working at that law firm and I think I got to eight months pregnant and I started having like really bad anxiety. And now I know my mom was never a mom to like talk me through these things. You know, [00:10:00] she had me when she was very young. And so I'm out here just like trying to figure out motherhood on my own and when you, when you're pregnant, especially how like.

The opportunity to have, what is it, anxiety before the baby comes. And I, that's probably what was happening. I never really went and talked to anyone about it, but I was so kind of hyper-focused on wanting to be there for my son. Like when, uh, he was born, I didn't wanna have to go back to work. I didn't wanna have to put him in daycare right away.

Um, so I was. Thankfully had the ability to be like, okay, I'm gonna take time off of working. And I, well, I had to quit my job in order to do that because this was pre COVID before, like people got to work from home. Right. Um, so then that was wonderful. I was able to have him, which. Absolutely. It was the best decision I could have made because when I had him, I had the absolute worst, like postpartum anxiety.

I remember like having him in the hospital and you know, they just took him down the, um, to the, like the nursery. [00:11:00] And I, I don't remember why. Oh, to meet with the pediatrician. Um, they took him to the nursery to meet with a pediatrician and I like. I had a full body shakes, like, I was like, I had to go out in the hallway and watch him.

Like I, it was so crazy. And I, I remember like the learning curve with your first, um, is so like intense. It's so much to figure out and we're just not like really supported as women like in general these days, right. With so much, we have so much pressure like to, to do all the things and to get back to it.

And still a lot of like the knowledge that surrounds. Postpartum, like having this baby is still not like easily accessible for a lot of people. Um, it's not like front and center. You don't ever come across it. You don't even know what it is, what's happening to you. So that was like really, really challenging.

Just like the, the whiplash of having a kid in your life. I'm sure you've been there too. Haven't we all? That's why this podcast [00:12:00] exists. My goodness. Yeah. We do so much to prepare for the actual birth that we're like, now we have this human, we're like, what's going on? Yeah. Where's my life gone? Where's, where's everything been?

And not only did you have this new baby and this new role of trying to figure it out, but you, you also quit your job. Yeah. That must have been so much to go through. Yeah. I mean that was a lot. I am lucky like that my husband, he was like gainfully employed. Um, you know, so I didn't have that like pressure on me.

Sure. Um. But, and I had some savings like that. We used to take the time off, but then after the savings was gone and I was like, oh, what are we gonna do here? So that's when I was like, I probably need to figure something out. And I was able to start my law firm. I think he was like six months old when I started my firm.

Why? Um. I think that's right. Uh, yeah, because I started in August, I believe, of 2017 and yeah, I think he was six months old, something like [00:13:00] that. Wow. Um, that might have been eight. I'm sorry. Bad at math. I'm a little That's okay. It's less than a year and that's impressive. Either way it doesn't matter. But that was, that was a really like cool time, like a rollercoaster.

Um, you know, when we try to like. Get back to things like people just expect you to go back to things I don't even know. I real, so my, I have a friend online and have had the opportunity to meet her once in person, but she lives in Canada and what was really cool is like she just like ghosted like for a year after her baby.

And yeah, because like that's a normal, like in some countries to do this, like to have that time to bond, like no pressure to work and like, you know, that's, I mean. I wouldn't even know what to do with that, to be honest with you. Yeah. Because it's not in our culture here. Um, but that's like really amazing and I wish that was more of what we could do, but that's not like reality for most like [00:14:00] people here.

Right, right. And you went big, you didn't just go back to work, you started your own practice. Tell me about that. Yeah, that was, that was an interesting choice. Yeah. You know, sometimes we're like, uh. I can't remember. So that was again, still pre COVID, like when people were still working in law firms, like in, in my field, like you're expected to go to the office, right?

Yeah. Like it's a nine to five, sometimes eight to seven in, in lawyering. Yeah. And so I was like, no, I absolutely cannot do that yet. And we. Essentially like decided that I would work from home at first because just like with any business, like just I'm starting a law firm doesn't mean I have like a shingle over my head.

Um, I was working from my bedroom, my master bedroom, and it was just. Me trying to like handle a few client matters, you know, some referrals. Um, just like any other business, I [00:15:00] feel like you make the biggest strides in it when you have, like, when you really try to network and you're able to go out and chat with people.

So that was a lot of fun, but like if I could have done it differently, I probably. Would not have started a law firm right away. Yeah. Um, I wished I had not, but now I have, and I'm, I'm happy I did. Right. It's just like, it was so much pressure I put on myself to like, yeah, you know, make it work. 'cause I hired a paralegal and then you have to pay them and you have to pay yourself and you're like, oh gosh, I have to sign these cases to make sure that I'm like paying my, you know, employees and all that fun stuff.

So that was, that was a lot of added pressure that I probably didn't need. It is a lot of pressure. Yeah. Especially having other people depending on you. We are, we have a lot of pressure just as moms with these beings depending on us, but then to have other people's livelihoods depending on your work, on top of that, is a lot of pressure.

Now, how did you [00:16:00] adjust your work, your life? We are everything with, with each subsequent kid. Now, you already said that the learning curve was the greatest with the first, let's talk about how it kept going. So the second was actually a lot easier. I did not have like postpartum depression. I did not have postpartum anxiety.

So I must've been like in at least a decent state, right? Yeah. Yeah. Because that didn't happen, which was wonderful. I probably would not have had the third, fourth, and fifth if I had had that same like crash, right? And Yeah, and also like the funny thing about kids, right? If they're good sleepers, it's so much easier.

If they are like, I bet Catnappers like up every hour at night, sleepers. It's like so much harder. Yeah, to like regulate your emotions to not. You know, explode at people because you're like, you know, crashing out because you have no sleep and like no food haven't showered in a week. Like all of that.

[00:17:00] Anyways, that was my first, he was a bad sleeper. But you know what's, sorry, I'm off on a tangent here. But what's funny is like I didn't realize like how big of a deal like milk protein allergies are. So my son, every single one of my kids, can I, can I breastfed all of them since till they were like. 11 ish months.

And then I'm like, y'all get on some regular milk. But that was a whole separate journey. Right. But I realized, and when he was like six months old that there was, that what was happening wasn't normal. Like, you know, all my friends like, are, my kids are sleeping like five, six hours a night. Some are sleeping through the night.

And I'm like, mine is like still. Every hour screaming. And that's because like he was sensitive to dairy, right? Wow. So I cut dairy outta my diet and it like was night and day with his sleep after that. Wow. Go figure. Yeah. And so I knew that with my second and all of the subsequent ones. So it's been a much easier like recovery, sleep journey.

And I don't know that dairy's the root cause of that, but I think it's probably a big part [00:18:00] because like acid reflux keeps them up, right? Yeah. So anyways, figuring out like just some of those basic pieces really help. Yeah, and if I could say something that like would help any new mom try to figure this out is like you absolutely need to find like a doctor, whether it's like whatever kind of integrative or traditional medicine you're into, like find somebody who you like believe is really advocating and listening to you.

I think that's so incredibly important because. In retrospect, I did not have that with my first, but I was able to find those people for my other. Um, kids, and that really helps, like having just like a trusted person to ask question to because, you know, unfortunately, like not every physician is gonna be the right fit for you, you know?

Right. And for your family's goals and believe like what you are saying. Mm-hmm. And so that like kind of advocacy is really important. Um Yeah. Ha. Having somebody that takes you seriously. Yeah. And like you listen and just be like, oh, try this medicine. Mm-hmm. Which I had him on this like acid [00:19:00] reflux medicine.

And then two years later there's a class action because that causes cancer. Right. So that was fun, but yeah. Anyway, so it just got really a lot easier after I like kind of learned from all those like hundreds of mistakes. I remember with my first, I would take him to the doctor for like a runny nose for every little thing that went wrong.

He was at the doctor because I'm like, what do I do with this kid? And they're like, give him Tylenol and he'll be fine. So yeah, and then you kind of get over that like worrisome, I think with your second and your third. Granted. A lot of people don't have a second these days and sometimes they just stop it too.

Yeah. We are, I think, a kind of a big family. Just we kind of fell into it. Yeah. I think everybody loves their kids. We love our kids. I, I like the, my husband really likes the chaos of children. You know how that like can turn people off from having kids because Yes, it's so chaotic. Like your house is [00:20:00] never clean, the dishes are never done.

The laundry's always stacked up like yeah, it's just a lot. And he like kind of thrives on that, which I. Don't, but because he's happy, like, yeah, it makes me happy so I can deal with it. Yeah, I dunno. I can totally see that. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, for sure. Now, tell me, how do you fit you into all of this?

I mean, do you get enough satisfaction out of the work that you're doing or are you making time for yourself in other ways? Or are you just trying to soak it in and reveling and the joy of just the chaos? No, I wish, I'm not a chaos person. In fact, like I don't wanna be. Disingenuous with this. So I think I had, in November of last year, I had a stroke.

Oh my gosh. I had a stroke because I was like not taking care of myself. I was not paying attention to like my body. I never, and if I had been, I would've realized [00:21:00] I was pregnant. So was that last year? Yeah. Yeah, it was, is that right? Yes, it is. I'm sorry. I'm so off on my dates. I, I didn't realize I was pregnant.

Part of my memory is because of the stroke, but sure. I, when I get pregnant, I have to go on blood thinners. I have a, like a blood clotting disorder. So fun times. A lot of women apparently have this, it's like super common. Um, and it's one of the big reasons people's, uh, miscarriage patterns go like undiagnosed as if they have this like clotting factor.

I digress, but I had a stroke and that is because I was not taking care of myself. So I think after that experience, it became really, really, really important to me to make time for myself again, like pre-kids again. I was always like taking a break. I was like a little treat person. Like I would go make time to read books and like, you know, go to yoga class.

I cannot tell you the last time I stepped into a gym. Told my [00:22:00] husband like, 'cause you know the baby's still young. He's like four months, four months. I was like, this is like me time. Like I have to carve out like, so we hired a, a nanny recently to like help buy back my time instead. 'cause I still have two, I have like a 3-year-old, a 2-year-old, and then the.

Who are, so these kids are not in school, right? These kids are still for sure, and the nannies helping take care of them, which has been wonderful and such a huge like, uh, break for me. We hired a house cleaners, like those kinds of things. Again, total like privilege to be able to do that, but I work really hard for it as well.

So, yeah. But buying back my time like that has really helped me try to shift my focus recently back to myself because mom's like, we just. We do for everybody. Like you have to, they rely on you. Like, they're like, that's your responsibility. And, um, it's so easy to ignore our needs, like it's. Like we [00:23:00] always come last, like that kind of stuff.

And it's so destructive. And if you're listening to this, please do not let yourself have a destructive moment like I did. I just wasn't listening to my body, didn't go to the doctor, didn't even think I could be pregnant, which was why I got a blood clot and had a stroke was because I wasn't a blood thinner.

So I didn't go to the doctors. I didn't realize I was pregnant. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So the things like, we cannot skip our doctor's appointments. Like we need to be able to like, take time to realize, oh, maybe I am like getting sick. Let me make myself some tea and rest. And like just, those are just like necessities, but like beyond that, we need hobbies, we need like interest, we need to be a whole person.

Um, and that is my goal for like. The rest of this year in 2026 and on, like I've, we're working on it. I would say we, as in me, I am working on it. I'm trying very hard. Um, yeah, and that's probably the biggest struggle I would say with motherhood in general is like finding time for [00:24:00] yourself. Isn't that the truth?

Oh my goodness. Well, I'm sorry you had to have your body tell you in such a dramatic way that you needed to make a change, but I'm so glad you've been able to accept the help because it's not just about being able to access it, it's also being able to. Accept it and have a partner who also accepts it, that you can both do that and to make room for for you.

And I'm so excited to hear about the things that you do in that space and with that time to help you continue to heal and to find out who you are outside of your work. And, and everything else that you have going on, uh, do you have any final gems that you'd like to share with the moms out there who are also still working and find themselves?

If you are a mom that's still working and trying to do all the things I call myself, like the anti supermom, I am one of those moms who does not love the word supermom. Doesn't love the title. [00:25:00] Even people say it all the time. Like if you're working and doing all the things, sometimes even if you're just like you, you're not working, but you are a mom.

Mom, you're like doing all the things for all the class activities, doing all these other things that involve your kids and people call you a supermom. It's okay to not like that word. Um, I personally. Anti Supermom, it makes me feel like they don't value the effort that goes into all the things that make that happen, and.

What I would say is be your own best advocate. And I, I don't say that like lightly, it's just something that you really have to think about actively. Like it takes effort to be like, good for yourself too, because it's, you know, it's easy for us to focus on other people and do for others, but to do for ourselves is so.

Challenging that. We really should think of it like in the, the mind frame of like, I'm gonna advocate for myself. I'm gonna stand up for myself. And you know, not like to be harsh about it, but just to [00:26:00] be, you know, good to yourself too. I love that advice because it's not passive, it's not something that comes easy.

You have to make yourself do it. Mm-hmm. It's important. Amber, tell us where we can connect with you and, and learn more from you and about you. Well, I am active on social media on one platform, Instagram at at the Boutique Lawyer. I love sharing tips and just, you know, kind of funny videos about the things you should watch out for things to do.

And then of course, at my website, the boutique lawyer.com, uh, we have all different kinds of resources for small and online business owners. To get started in scale. Amber, thank you so much for coming today to share your experience. I hope that you'll come back next week to share with us more about your expertise so we can start to find those things that bring us some joy.

For sure. I'd love to. If you can relate to any part of Amber's story, go ahead and let me know. You can send me a DM over on Instagram at Mom [00:27:00] identity project, or leave it in the comments or reviews here or wherever you're listening to your podcast. While you're there, make sure you leave a five star rating and go ahead and share this with a friend who probably needs the reminder that they need to slow down and prioritize themselves too.

Now, don't go anywhere because in the next episode Amber is back, but this time we're talking about what happens when that little hobby or creative outlet starts turning into something. Thing more. Maybe it's a side hustle, maybe it's a big business, and maybe you're wondering, what do I actually need to do to protect myself?

We'll dig into the legal must-dos, the common mistakes moms make when starting something new, and how to take those first steps without getting overwhelmed. So if you've got an idea that's been sitting in your notes app or in your heart. Don't miss this episode. Until then, take a moment for yourself and remember, you are an amazing mom just the way you are.[00:28:00]

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