Finding Your Thing as a Mom Doesn't Have to Mean Alone Time (E78)

Finding your thing doesn't mean alone time

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[00:00:00] When people say, you just need some me time, do you ever feel like yelling when with what time? Because I feel the same way, and while me time is amazing, it's not the only way to recharge. In fact, the thing that helps you feel more like yourself again. Might not happen in solitude. It might be something you do with your kids or while they're right next to you today, we're breaking the myth that your thing has to mean time away and helping you redefine what joy and identity can look like in your real life right now. I am Krissy. I'm a stay-at-home mom to two young boys, and this is Mom's Guide to Finding Herself. There was a season when I thought the only way I could reconnect with myself was by getting away, like physically out of the house. Solo target runs coffee shop work sessions, kid free nights out, and sometimes that worked, but often I was still mentally tethered to the house, checking [00:01:00] my phone or feeling rushed.

Then one day something shifted. We were in the thick of bedtime before we settled into this movie night routine that we currently have. We were still in the phase where we were trying to lay next to them in bed for them to fall asleep, and some nights it took forever.

I would lay there staring at the ceiling, feeling like I was losing time, that I would never get back. So I started using a Bluetooth headband.

I'd pop it on, press play on a podcast, and suddenly that time didn't feel wasted. I was learning. I was laughing inside my head quietly. I was reconnecting with thoughts and ideas that had nothing to do with the bedtime battles, and it became my thing. It wasn't glamorous, it wasn't Instagram worthy, but it was mine, and it helped me feel a little more like myself again.

That's when I started to rethink what me time actually means and what finding a [00:02:00] thing actually means. Because the truth is we're told so often to just take a break. But no one tells us what to do with that break. And when you're so used to meeting everyone else's needs, that empty moment can feel more confusing than calming without a thing, a hobby, an interest, a practice that belongs to you.

You start to drift. The days blur together. You catch yourself saying, I don't even know who I am anymore. You want to feel better, but there's no clear map back to yourself. So you default to the easy stuff. You scroll the phone, you put on a show, and while that can be a little reprieve, it doesn't fill you, it doesn't reconnect you to anything deeper.

Let's pause here and say something important. Numbing out isn't the enemy. Sometimes that mindless scroll or that show binge is the [00:03:00] exact kind of break your overtaxed brain needs. You don't need to feel guilty for that, but numbing out can be the only tool in the toolbox. You deserve more than relief.

You deserve renewal. Having a thing, something that lights you up isn't about being more productive. It's about being more you.

It gives you something to look forward to. It reminds you that you exist outside of motherhood, that you are a person with interests and ideas and dreams, not just a snack getter or a mess cleaner or an emotional sponge. So what is the purpose of finding your thing. Let's get super clear. The purpose of having a thing isn't to add another item to your already overflowing to-do list.

It's not self-improvement homework. It's not one more way to prove your worth. The purpose is [00:04:00] this. To reconnect you with you. Your thing should recharge you. It gives you something to look forward to and light up parts of your brain and heart that motherhood doesn't always reach.

It gives you a topic of conversation that isn't about your kids and your milestones and all of the things that you are battling with at home. It's something that is yours. So when the day has been long and the toddler tantrums are many, you still have this spark inside you that hasn't dimmed. It's not selfish.

It's not indulgent. It's part of your emotional survival.

Your thing can be small and it can be shared and no, your thing doesn't have to be done alone. I used to think that the only way I could recharge was by escaping, but I've learned that sometimes the thing that fills you up the most is the one you can do with your kids around, [00:05:00] like listening to that podcast while your kids fall asleep, or baking together, or going on hikes, or having a cozy reading night where everyone's doing their own thing side by side, or knitting on the couch while you're watching tv.

That time with your kids can still be yours. Just because they're physically there doesn't mean your joy disappears. You are allowed to feel filled up and connected to yourself even in their presence. Your thing might be shared joy. Not a solo retreat, a hike where they collect rocks while you breathe deeply.

A kitchen dance party with your favorite playlist, a weekend puzzle that you all work on piece by piece. It doesn't have to be quiet to be meaningful. It doesn't have to be solo to be yours. And if you're listening to this right now and thinking, this sounds amazing, but how do I even begin?

I wanna offer you something I made just for this exact moment. The Mom Identity Starter Kit. It's three [00:06:00] short, practical workshops to help you find your thing, find the time for it, and actually make it happen. but the part that I'm most excited about is that it comes in three different formats because I know mom life is unpredictable and full of interruptions.

You get a video version that is perfect to watch while you're folding laundry. An audio version for when you're listening, while you're doing the dishes, or waiting in the carpool lane and a PDF format, so that way you can read it while you're nap trapped or before bed. You don't have to carve out extra time. You don't have to sit down at your desk and open your laptop. You just need a moment.

And the format that fits that moment, it's $17 and you can grab it@momidentityproject.com slash starter kit. I'll also link it for you in the show notes. Let's talk about what this looks like in real life. Maybe your thing is painting and you pull out a sketchpad while your kids do Play-Doh. Maybe it's baking. And instead of doing it alone, you turn it into a Sunday ritual with your kids. Maybe it's gardening and your toddler helps dig holes that are very much not where you need [00:07:00] them to be, but still you're out there. Or maybe it's something slower, a book you're working your way through a playlist you made just for you a puzzle you chip away at each night.

The point is, your thing doesn't need to wait for ideal circumstances. It just needs a little space, a little intention, a little reminder. That you matter too. And sometimes that means literally setting yourself up to succeed. Leave your book in the kitchen drawer so you can sneak in a few pages while the mac and cheese boils.

Or keep your knitting in a bag by the couch so you can reach for it. During a bluey episode, stash, your notebook and a pen in the car for preschool pickups or for when your kids accidentally fall asleep in the car.

Whatever makes it easier for you to say yes to your joy. Do that. You are allowed to make your thing more accessible. In fact, I highly recommend it. Now, here's something else I wanna normalize. Trial and error. You might try a few things and realize they're [00:08:00] not for you, and that is okay. That's part of the process.

You're not doing it wrong. You're getting to know yourself again. You don't have to pick one thing and stick with it forever. Let it evolve. Let it match the season that you're in. In fact. I love that your thing might change with the seasons. Maybe in winter it's puzzles and hot tea. Maybe in summer it's early morning walks before the house wakes up.

Let it shift, let it meet your needs. And maybe right now your only available time is in the margins. That doesn't make your thing less valid. It makes it real. Real life isn't built on big, uninterrupted blocks of time. It's built on moments, and your joy can live in these moments.

So give yourself permission to start small, start messy, start now. You deserve to feel like a whole person. You deserve something that's just yours, and you don't have to wait until the house is quiet to claim it. If this episode made you breathe a little [00:09:00] easier, I would love it if you would do me a quick favor and share it with a friend.

Leave a review, hit follow so you don't miss what's coming next. And if you're walking away from this episode thinking, okay, I'm ready to find my thing, go check out the Mom Identity Starter Kit. It's right there in the show notes, and it was made for this moment in your motherhood.