The Gentle 5-Step Reset for Moms Who’ve Lost Themselves (E64)

The Reset Method: Reclaiming You

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[00:00:00] Have you ever wanted a reset button not to go back in time? Not to start over completely, but just to feel a little more like yourself again, like you're not just surviving motherhood, but actually living a life that feels meaningful, joyful, and even a little fun?

In today's episode, I'm going to introduce you to something I've created after years of walking through the fog myself and coaching, and interviewing dozens of moms who all say the same thing. I love my kids, but I miss me. It's called the Reset method, and it's here to help you connect with your joy, reclaim your identity, and take small, doable steps back to you.

Okay let's be real. Motherhood is one of the biggest identity shifts a person can go through.

It doesn't matter if you've always dreamed of being a mom or if it's something that kind of caught you off guard. Either way,

nothing quite prepares you for how completely it can consume your sense of self. You go from being someone who had thoughts, dreams, hobbies and goals to someone who can't remember if they brush their teeth or switch the laundry. You [00:01:00] are constantly needed, constantly touched, feeding, scheduling, soothing, planning, and while your heart is so full, like so, so, so full, it can also feel like your soul is a little bit gone.

That's the part no one talks about enough. Not just the sleepless nights or the tantrums, but the part where you look in the mirror and think, wait, where did I go? This isn't just about burnout, it's deeper than that. It's this aching, low grade hum of loss of identity, of freedom of self-expression. And what makes it harder is that you probably don't have the time or the space to even figure out what's missing.

It's like being in the middle of a tornado and someone hands you a journal and says, just reflect. Okay. Like when.

I'll never forget this one morning, it was early. The [00:02:00] baby had been up all night teething, and my toddler spilled an entire box of Cheerios on the floor, and I was standing in the kitchen wearing pajamas that I had slept in for three nights in a row, sipping cold coffee, and I just froze. I wasn't crying, I wasn't even mad.

I just had this moment where I thought, is this it? Is this all I am now? The woman who used to plan theme parties for fun, who ran a trivia night, who joined the local recreation commission, who could tell you what day of the week it was without checking her phone.

That woman felt like a ghost. I felt invisible, not just to others, but to myself. And that's when I started to really pay attention, not just to my own experience, but to other moms. I knew moms that I coached, moms that I met through this podcast and through Instagram, over and over, I heard the same thing.

I don't know who I am anymore. And slowly from those stories and my own [00:03:00] lived messiness, the reset method was born.

But before I get into that, here's what I've learned from talking to moms over and over again. It's not that you don't want to reconnect with yourself, it's that you have no idea where to start. You feel guilty for even wanting more. You're too exhausted to think, let alone plan a self-care routine and everything that you used to enjoy it either doesn't fit into your life anymore, or maybe it just doesn't feel right anymore.

So you try to go back. You pull out those old hobbies, you dig up the old goals, but it's like putting on clothes that don't fit anymore. They're uncomfortable and a little sad. You're not broken. You're changing. Just like adolescence changes us, so does motherhood.

It's messy and disorienting and incredibly powerful. You don't need to go back. You need a way forward, and that's why I created this method. That's why the [00:04:00] reset method was born. It's not here as a reinvention, not a glow up, not a 10 step productivity hack. It's a gentle, thoughtful, mama friendly reset. Reset is a five step process that I developed after working with, in interviewing all of these moms who trying to find their way back to themselves. It's not a system for overnight change. It's not a magic formula, but it is a map, a way to gently and consistently shift your focus back to you.

Here's what it is, recognize. Notice what's missing and how you are really feeling express. Put words to it. Let go of what's bottled up inside. Simplify, focus on one small, doable change at a time. Explore, try new things that spark joy or curiosity, [00:05:00] and then trust.

Build confidence in yourself. Again, step by step, recognize, express, simplify, explore, trust, reset. Each of these steps is a touchstone, a place to pause and reflect and recenter. Let's go through them one by one. So we'll start with recognize this is the step most moms skip. We're so used to pushing through that.

We don't stop to ask what's actually going on here. Recognition is about gently noticing. Maybe you realize you're resenting your days, not because you don't love your kids, but because your needs are never factored in. Maybe you notice that everything feels like a chore. Even the things that used to bring you joy.

Maybe you're tired in a way that sleep can't fix. Start with small questions. When was the last time I felt lit up by something? What parts of my day drained me the [00:06:00] most? Where do I feel most disconnected from myself? The goal here isn't to solve, it's to see, because you can't shift what you haven't named.

So then once you've recognized, we shift to expressing. Once you know how you're feeling, the next step is to let it out. We hold so much in as moms, the frustration, the fear, the guilt, the grief and all of it builds like pressure in a shaken soda can expression, can be a journal entry or a ranty voice memo to a friend or a quiet cry in the shower, A walk where you whisper to yourself.

This is hard. You're not selfish for needing an outlet. You are human. And if you can find safe people to express with, like a friend or a coach or your partner. You start to remember that your story matters, your feelings matter,

and when you let it out, even if it's messy, you make [00:07:00] room for clarity.

Then we move to simplify. This one's for my overachievers out there. The ones trying to become their best selves while potty training a toddler and washing the same sippy cup 14 times a day. Simplifying is about permission. Permission to do less, not more. Ask yourself, what's one thing I can let go of this week?

What's one tiny habit that could help me feel more like me? Maybe it's stepping outside for three minutes a day. Maybe it's saying no to a play date that doesn't fill your cup. Maybe it's ordering pizza on a Thursday. Small things consistently done.

That's where the magic is.

Then we move into explore. This is where it gets fun. You've made the space. Now what do you wanna try? Exploration is not about picking your forever path. It's about curiosity. It's about dipping your [00:08:00] toe back into the parts of yourself that you've silenced. You can join a book club, try a new recipe. Take a dance class, start a low pressure creative project, doodle daydream, try things that don't have an outcome attached.

One of my favorite questions is, what would you do if no one had to know what you were doing? Let it be playful. Let it be imperfect. Let it be yours.

And then finally, trust. Trust is the final, quiet, powerful step. It's about believing that you're allowed to want more, that you're capable of rediscovering who you are. This doesn't happen all at once. It happens in moments. The moment you speak your truth, the moment you choose rest, the moment you show up for yourself, even when it's inconvenient.

You begin to rebuild a relationship with yourself, you [00:09:00] begin to believe that she's still in there. The strong, wise, messy, beautiful. You trust the process, trust the mess. Trust that you are not lost. You're evolving, and you're doing an amazing job, even if it doesn't feel like it today.

So here's what I want you to remember. You don't need to be fixed. You are not broken. You're becoming, you don't need a dramatic reinvention or a perfectly structured routine. You need small, loving steps that lead you back to you. The reset method isn't a checklist, it's a compass, a way to reorient when you feel scattered, a reminder that your identity matters, your joy matters, your story matters.

Even in the chaos, even in the ordinary, even in the exhaustion, you are still in there, and this journey back to yourself is not [00:10:00] selfish, it's sacred. Let the reset method be your gentle guide. When the world feels too loud and your needs feel too quiet. You deserve to feel alive, not just needed.

You deserve joy, not just duty, and you deserve to feel like you again because you are an amazing mom just as you are.

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Motherhood is full of moments, but not many of them that are just yours. That's why I created the Mom Moment Memo. It's a free short newsletter that gives you a breath of encouragement and a quick way to reconnect with yourself throughout the week.

You can sign up for free at momidentityproject.com slash memo [00:11:00] or find the link in the show notes and get your first memo this week.