The Mom Self-Care Episode You Actually Have Time For (E56)

Self-Care for Moms: Refill and Recharge

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[00:00:00] Do you ever feel guilty for wanting time to yourself? Like if you stepped away for an hour, the whole house will crumble? Well, here's what I've learned. When you take care of yourself, you're not taking from your kids. You're giving them a happier, calmer, and more present

mom. Today I am sharing the science, the stories, and some practical ways to make self-care actually happen in your real life.

A few years ago, I had one of those weeks where I was on full autopilot. I was making the lunches, wiping the noses, packing the diaper bag, and running bedtime like a drill sergeant.

And I remember thinking, well, this is what moms do. This is what I signed up for. It's not about me right now, it's about the kids. I remember standing in the kitchen on so [00:01:00] many of those mornings already exhausted and thinking, how am I supposed to get through the rest of the day like this?

Back then I thought that the right thing to do was just push through power through nap time, chores, meal prep, whatever, all of it until bedtime. But here's what happened.

When I did that, I wasn't the patient loving mom I wanted to be. I was snappy. I was short-tempered. I was running on fumes.

Somewhere along the way, I had absorbed the idea that the mark of a good mom was how much you could disappear into the role that your needs should be so far down the list that they're basically buried under the laundry pile that you haven't touched in three days.

So I pushed through. I told myself my time would come later. I figured once the kids were older, once they didn't need me for every single thing, then I could think about me.

But here's what actually happened. I was tired, like so tired, and not just. [00:02:00] Physically tired. I was worn out emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and when I showed up for my kids in that state, I was giving them a burnt out, snappy, checked out version of me.

That's when I realized something I wish I'd learned sooner. Me taking care of me isn't stealing from my kids. It's giving them the best version of me.

So let's talk about why self-care isn't selfish, and let's get this out of the way. The word selfish has been unfairly attached to any mom who puts herself on the priority list. And here's the truth, kids are emotional sponges. Studies have shown that children pick up on our stress and mirror our emotional states.

When we're depleted, we're more reactive, less patient, and less able to enjoy the moments with them. But when we're nourished, when we've had even small moments to recharge, we compare it [00:03:00] from a calmer, steadier place.

Think about the difference between running errands when you're hangry versus when you've had a snack. You're just nicer. Your fuse is longer. The same is true in motherhood. Self-care is modeling emotional regulation and boundary setting for your kids. They're learning what it looks like to value themselves by watching you value yourself.

There's the myth of the selfless mom. We've been sold on the picture of the perfect mom. She's tireless, endlessly giving, always cheerful, never needing a break. And if she does take time for herself, she makes up for it by working twice as hard when she gets back. But the problem with that is we all know.

That's not sustainable. Chronic self neglect isn't noble. It's a fast track to resentment and burnout. Think of it like running a car with a gaslight on. You can keep going for a while and eventually you're gonna stall. And when that happens, everyone in the [00:04:00] car, AKA, your family gets stranded right along with you.

We don't want to give our kids the leftovers of us. They deserve the fresh, fully charged, actually engaged version of us. That's the ripple effect of your wellbeing. When you take care of yourself. It's not just you who benefits your whole family does.

When you're rested, you have more patience for the spilled juice or the sibling squabbles. Or the toddler meltdowns

And when you engage in something that lights you up, whether that's reading or painting, or just going for a walk, you come back to your family recharged and more present.

You are teaching your kids that it's okay to meet their own needs someday they'll be adults balancing work and relationships and maybe kids of their own, and you're showing them what healthy looks like now. So how do we actually make that happen in real life? The first thing we need to do, as with so many things

is start small. [00:05:00] You don't need this like big weekend away to feel human again. Although you can do that and that would be fun. Sometimes it's just 10 minutes with your coffee before the house wakes up. Sometimes it's standing in the sun for five minutes while the kids play. The point is to start somewhere that doesn't feel impossible.

It helps to stack it in with other things. So pair self-care with something you're already doing, so like stretch while you wait for pasta to boil or listen to a podcast while you're folding laundry or call a friend during your commute.

All of those things add up.

Plan it like it's a meeting. If it's in your calendar, it's real. Whether it's a solo target run or a walk or a yoga class. Treat it like it's an appointment you don't cancel unless like someone's bleeding or something like that. And then finally redefine self-care.

Yes, a spa day is lovely, but self-care is also therapy or saying no to the things that drain you or wearing clothes that actually fit and make you feel [00:06:00] good, or eating a real lunch instead of finishing your kids' crust.

Here's the part that most moms skip. You have to actually believe that you're worth the effort. So here's me giving you a permission slip. Self-care isn't earned by working yourself to exhaustion first. It's not a reward. It's maintenance. Just like you wouldn't wait until your car engine dies to change the oil, don't wait until you're falling apart to take care of you. If you're ready to start prioritizing yourself but you don't know where to begin, head to my website and grab my Free Mom Identity Jumpstart. It's designed to help you reconnect with what lights you up so you can take that first step towards feeling like yourself again. Send me a message on Instagram at Mom Identity Project and tell me one thing you're going to do for yourself this week, or let me help you brainstorm some ways that you can make it happen.

If this episode resonated with you, chances are there's another mom in your life who needs to hear it too. Share it with her so she knows she's not [00:07:00] alone. Every time you share, follow, or leave a review, it helps this podcast reach more moms who are quietly struggling and need these conversations. And if you're on Apple Podcasts, you can scroll down to leave a review.

It really does make a difference in helping other moms find this space.

In the next episode, we're talking about one of the most powerful ways to reconnect with yourself outside of mom finding a hobby or a side hustle that actually lights you up. We'll talk about how to choose something that actually fits your life right now, how to make time for it without feeling guilty, and why it can be the anchor you've been missing.

Whether you want pure joy or a little extra income, this is the episode that's going to help you find your spark again.