Loneliness in Motherhood Is Real… But So Is Connection (E46)

Mom's Guide to Finding Herself
Written By Mom Identity Project

You’re with your kids all day. They call your name 437 times. You wipe butts, make snacks, break up fights, and maybe—maybe—go to the bathroom alone once.

And still?

You feel alone.

Not just “I need a girls’ night” alone. But deep-in-your-bones, invisible, “who even sees me anymore?” kind of alone.

If that hits you hard, I need you to know this:
You’re not broken. You’re not failing. And you are so not the only one.

Where the Isolation Begins

For most of us, the loneliness starts in those newborn days. We’re home, healing, trying to keep a tiny human alive. The world keeps moving outside, but we’re stuck in a time warp of 3 a.m. feeds and endless laundry piles.

Maybe you thought maternity leave would be a break. A rest. But instead, you’re exhausted, overstimulated, and haven’t had a real adult conversation in days. You tell yourself, “This is temporary.” But then winter hits, cold and flu season drags on, and leaving the house feels like climbing Everest.

And just like that, you’ve gone weeks—maybe months—without meaningful connection. And it starts to feel normal.

“Why Do I Feel So Unseen?”

It’s not just about being physically alone. There’s a deeper kind of loneliness that comes with motherhood.

It’s the emotional invisibility of giving everything to others… and feeling like no one’s pouring into you.

It’s the identity shift from who you were before to the version of you that’s constantly needed but rarely acknowledged.

It’s your friendships drifting. The text threads going silent. The group chats you used to belong in slowly forgetting you exist.

And even when you do try to connect—at baby groups, story time, or mom events—it still feels surface-level. The small talk is exhausting. No one asks how you are. And you walk out feeling lonelier than before.

That’s not just in your head. That’s real.

According to the Cigna US Loneliness Index, 61% of moms with kids under 18 say they feel lonely often or always.
And loneliness isn’t just an emotional weight—it’s linked to increased risk of anxiety, depression, and even physical health issues.

The Problem Isn’t You—It’s the Way We’re Told to Connect

Let’s be clear: you’ve probably tried.
You joined the mom group.
You messaged that woman from Instagram.
You showed up at the park, hoping to spark a conversation.

But it didn’t stick.

Because most connection opportunities are loud, kid-focused, and superficial.
You’re craving depth—but the world keeps handing you small talk.

So… What Do You Do?

First, we reframe what community actually looks like.

Real connection doesn’t mean a mom squad or a full calendar of playdates. It can mean:

  • One friend who actually checks in

  • A group chat that makes you laugh

  • A book club that turns into life convos

  • A DM that evolves into voice notes and memes

  • Someone who sees you, not just your role as mom

The research backs this up: it’s not how many relationships you have, it’s how real they feel. One close, authentic connection improves emotional wellbeing more than a dozen surface-level ones.

Start Small. Let It Be Awkward.

Here’s what I want you to try:

  • Comment with depth. Go beyond “cute!” Say what moved you. You might start something real.

  • Message someone you admire. Yes, even if you’ve never talked before. Vulnerability invites connection.

  • Say the honest thing. Like “I’ve been feeling disconnected lately. Anyone else?” You’d be surprised how many women are just waiting for someone to go first.

  • Create low-pressure invitations. A walk. A coffee morning. A bring-your-own-kid hangout. Casual can be powerful.

  • Use tech intentionally. Apps like Peanut, FB groups, Instagram—all great starts. The goal is to move from screen to connection.

And if you're not sure how to even start these conversations?

I’ve got you. Download my free guide, Make a Mom Friend in 7 Days. It’s packed with scripts, reflection prompts, and actual copy-paste messages you can use today.

You Are Worthy of Friendship Right Now

Not “once the baby sleeps through the night.”
Not “when you feel more put together.”
Not “after you lose the baby weight.”

Now. As you are.

When you find even one real connection, something starts to shift. You laugh again. You remember who you are. You realize you’re not the only one.

And that? Feels like coming home.

Because loneliness is real—but so is connection.
And your people? They’re closer than you think.

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For Your Binging Enjoyment…

Loneliness in Motherhood Is Real—But So Is Connection

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[00:00:00] You are with your kids all the time, so why do you feel so alone? If motherhood has left you feeling isolated, unseen, or like you've lost your people? This episode is for you. Today, we are unpacking where that loneliness even begins, why it sticks around for so many of us, and how finding just one real connection can change everything.

Let me take you back to a familiar scene. I'm in the kitchen.

I'm holding my baby pacing while he refuses to nap. My sweatshirt is crusty. I smell like, who knows what. The house is a mess. The toddler's in the back screaming, and I'm scrolling on Instagram with one hand wondering why do I feel so disconnected, even though I'm never actually alone. I had no plans. No one was coming over. We had [00:01:00] nowhere to go because it was January and my baby was born in November and we were still in the thick of a really bad cold and flu season. So I was just there isolated and alone. I saw everyone else doing mom life and the way that I really desperately wanted to.

They were going on play dates and outings. They had people to text and connect with, and I felt like I was just on an island and I didn't know how to leave. But slowly through small and honestly awkward steps like messaging a stranger on Instagram or starting a book group with complete strangers, I started to find lifelines and those little connections started to pull me back to myself

So let's talk about where this isolation even starts. It begins before you even realize it, and it starts early in those first few weeks. When you're home with a newborn, you are exhausted in a way that no amount of coffee is going to fix.

You're figuring out feeding schedules, healing from birth, and watching the sun go down [00:02:00] without having spoken to another adult all day long. Maybe you're on maternity leave, which before the baby came, sounded like a break. But let's be real very quickly. You learn that it is not. It is full-time around the clock, emotional, physical, and mental marathon.

And in the early days, there's a lot of pressure to keep your baby safe, which often means staying home, especially during cold and flu season, or when your baby has a reflux or colic, or when leaving the house feels impossible. You tell yourself this is just for now, but just for now turns into months.

And for some of us, those early isolation habits, staying in, not reaching out well, they just kind of stick. And before we know it, a few months turns into a few years and we still feel like we're doing it all alone. And slowly without choosing, you just stop reaching out. And eventually you stop being reached out to and that becomes your new normal.

There [00:03:00] was a survey in the UK that found that 56% of new moms reported feeling friendless in their baby's first year, not lonely Friendless, I.

You're not alone. This is common and it is real. So why does motherhood feel so isolating? Well, 'cause you're always needed, but you're rarely seen. There's multiple layers to this. There's your physical isolation, whether you're home on leave or choosing to stay home. Your adult interactions vanish basically overnight.

And then there's the emotional invisibility you're constantly pouring into others. But who's pouring into you, you have an identity shift. The you that you were before, kids feels so far away. Your conversation shift. Your thoughts revolve around naps and diapers and logistics. And you go from being someone with a career or a hobby or a life to someone who is needed 24 7 and often only seen through the lens of what you do for [00:04:00] others.

And then your friendships might start to drift. Some of the friends who used to be your people before might not understand your life now, and then the other ones, or maybe making new ones well.

Keeping those connections or creating new connections is really hard when you can't even finish a sentence without being interrupted. Even if you're doing all the things like going to play dates and baby groups or showing up online, you can still feel totally alone, but it's not just loneliness. It's resentment that no one seems to ask how you are doing.

Not just the baby, but you are feeling like you've disappeared or watching your joy slowly erode away. Not in like this one dramatic moment where something happens, but like piece by piece and you start to think, why even bother trying again? Because the energy that it takes to connect just feels like one more thing on your plate.

And before you know it, it's been months or even years since you've had those connections and had [00:05:00] those friendships because you never got back into it. According to a Cigna US Loneliness index, 61% of moms with children under 18 reported feeling lonely often.

Or always. And loneliness isn't just emotional. It is tied to higher rates of anxiety, depression, or even physical health risks. So this isn't about being dramatic, it's about being honest. Now we know that this is a problem, we know we wanna fix it. And it's hard when you feel like you are trying things because you are trying things and a lot of it hasn't worked.

So let's name it, you have tried. And it didn't stick. You joined the mom group, but the small talk was draining. You texted someone, but they didn't get back to you. You went to the story time, but you felt more alone than before you went in. The problem isn't you. It's that most connection opportunities are noisy or kid focused or [00:06:00] superficial.

You are craving depth, but everything around you is designed for survival mode, small talk. So let's reframe it. Community doesn't have to mean a huge circle or a mom squad. I mean one person, two people, a group chat that feels safe, a book club that talks about the book, but also life a connection with someone who asks, how are you really?

Real community can be that one friend who checks in or people who share your values, even if they don't share your zip code. An Instagram DM that turns into voice notes and memes And Me too replies Safe spaces where you can say, I'm not okay and not feel judged. People who remind you that you matter beyond your role as mom. Because we know the research shows that close meaningful relationships. Not how many, but just how real are the biggest predictor of lifelong wellbeing. [00:07:00] So how do we start finding our people?

Gently start small.

Comment on a post. Message someone you admire. Let it be awkward. It's okay. That first DM you send might be the start of something real. Share something vulnerable. Comment with depth. You'd be shocked how many moms are just waiting for someone to go first. Create low pressure spaces.

Invite someone on a walk. Start a, bring your coffee morning. These kinds of invitations can open up the door. Use technology with intention apps like peanut or interest-based Facebook groups, or even Instagram can be the start. It's not necessarily the solution, but it's a seed and you can plant it and get it going.

My More Than Mom community is a really great place to start. If you're worried about joining a group online, or maybe you're not the person to start sending dms, hoping to strike up a conversation. I've said it before, I'll say it again. I talked about it a lot in episode 35, but book clubs. I started [00:08:00] one with complete strangers online and we read books that helped us grow and cry and laugh, and it gave us structure and meaning to our connection.

I. Okay, local interest groups. Find a little niche, find the thing that you really like doing. Start a hobby and then join that group. Maybe you like crocheting. Join a crochet group, or start hiking with people. Or maybe just go to a coffee shop and try to connect with all the other introverts that are there hanging out.

They're out there. Your people are out there. It doesn't have to be, parenting is your common thread, but find a different common thread. I recently went to a podcasting networking group and that was amazing to talk to other people about something else we had in common besides children say the real thing.

Vulnerability invites depth. Say something like, I've been feeling kind of disconnected lately. Anyone else and other people are gonna jump in. Research shows that having just one close social [00:09:00] connection significantly improves emotional wellbeing and reduces symptoms of depression, anxiety, and most importantly, I need you to know that you are worthy of friendship right now just as you are when you find your people. It's not magic I. But it feels magical. You feel seen. You remember who you are beyond the snack, fetching the mess, cleaning the laundry folding version that you feel like you might be.

You start laughing again. You start telling your story again. You matter again, not just to your kids, but to yourself. Community doesn't fix everything, but it gives you a place to fall apart and be put back together.

If this episode spoke to you, share it with a friend who might be feeling the same way. Follow the show, leave a review and come on over and say hi On Instagram at Mom Identity Project. I love connecting in the dms. It's where a lot of my friendships started.

And if you are ready to start making those connections, sending dms, or reaching out at the playground, then you [00:10:00] can grab my free PDF Make Mom Friends in seven days.

It's full of scripts, prompts, and reflection tools that you can use, or copy and paste messages that you can send right now to start making those connections and friendships.

You can find the link in the show notes.

Now imagine this, you are in target. Your toddler loses it over a granola bar. He's screaming. You are sweating. People are staring. Someone mutters something under their breath and suddenly. You're not just handling a tantrum, you are flooded with shame and you want to disappear. If this sounds familiar, you'll wanna stick around for the next episode because we are diving into why our kids' behavior can make us feel so judged.

Where that shame comes from and how to shift out of spiraling and back into connection.

Mom Identity Project https://momidentityproject.com
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